Motherhood

I realized that I haven’t been able to write in my journal to Mara since she was born (I kept a journal during my pregnancy) and found myself pondering what it means to be a mom. You hear catchy little stories about “Being a mom means changing 5 diapers a day” or “Being a mom means being spit up on when you’re heading out the door to work,” but what does it really mean to be a mom? To me, it means having a higher purpose than work or material possessions. It is making the unconscious decision to spend time with your child over doing anything else. It is the realization that I might not enjoy every stage of my child’s growth and development, but I would not change any of them for the world. It is the fact that I never knew this particular kind of love existed until my little girl entered my life. It is knowing that I have the potential of having my daughter as my best friend in her adult years, just like the relationship that my mom and I have. It is understanding the love that my mom has for me since I now know what that love feels like.

On the not-so-pleasant side of motherhood…it is knowing that my body will never be the same after having a child. I do not lose weight like I used to and therefore am carrying remnants of my daughter’s development with me at all times. However, motherhood is also finding out that I don’t care about my body shape quite as much as I used to because I would rather spend time with my daughter than working out at the gym. Just as my life now has a higher purpose, so does my body. Motherhood is also anxiety. Being anxious about new skills my daughter learns, being anxious about something bad happening to her, being anxious about finances, being anxious that I’m going to do something wrong, being anxious that if I do mess something up my daughter will be impacted forever. That list could go on and on.

But…

“Motherhood” is still the greatest gift that I have ever been given and I cherish the title of “Mother” every day.